It started my senior year of college when I was 22. By that point, I had experimented with alcohol, marijuana, and party drugs like cocaine and ecstasy. I’d never been addicted to any of them though and thought my casual drug use was normal for my age. I just thought it’s what everyone was doing because it was what the people I chose to surround myself with were doing.
I was in a very toxic relationship with a guy named Brian, although I didn’t recognize how unhealthy it was at the time. Brian didn’t go to college; he was in a band, and he and his buddies were all really into the whole rock and roll lifestyle and the drugs that came with it. They smoked pot all day, every day, and often drank and did cocaine for fun. I loved going to his shows and cheering him on, proudly telling anyone who would listen that the guy onstage in the leather jacket was my boyfriend. I thought he was so cool and exciting, and I just loved everything about him.
I would have done anything to keep him.
I tried to keep up with his lifestyle and partied harder than I ever had before. One day, we were all hanging out in one of Brian’s bandmate’s garage, when the guys started passing around a little glass pipe. I could instantly tell it wasn’t pot, it looked and smelled different. Not wanting to seem uncool, when it was passed to me I took a hit, not even asking what it was.
At first, I didn’t feel anything. It took a few more passes on the pipe for the drug to kick in.
Most people who haven’t tried heroin think it must be such a wonderful experience, because why else would people keep going back to it and getting addicted to it? But ironically, I didn’t even enjoy that first time. I just got dizzy, and sick. I made Brian take me home so I could just go to bed and sleep off the feeling. Later, I asked him what it was, and he told me heroin. I was shocked, because I’d never intended to try heroin in my life, and couldn’t believe I’d done it.
At that point, mainly because I’d had such a bad experience, I figured I’d never do it again.
Boy, was I wrong?